Weird and Weirder
by StormTrooper94
Summary: Darren Shan hides Mr Crepsley's cape and Grubbs Grady is going out shopping. Little do they know that their day's are going to get more interesting. Chapter 1 - Rated T for possible violence.


I'm lying in my hammock, playing with my new watch, and Mr Crepsley has just woken up across the tent from me. He'll be getting dressed and coming over to moan at me any second now. I "accidentally" misplaced his cape just so I could see his reaction at losing it. And…

*

…right on cue come the fireworks! Dervish comes storming down the stairs wielding a dictionary like a fly swat. He has finally discovered how to spell the word onomatopoeia!

"It's 'oeia' not 'eoia'!" he shouts at me. Thankfully, it only takes him about two minutes to look up a word in his handy pocket sized A4, hardback, leather-bound dictionary.

"I know. That's what I said. You said 'eoia'" He is and has never been any good at spelling.

"No." He corrects me, "I said…"

*

"…that you needed to wash it" His face looks like he thinks the world is ending.

"And that's what I did, I washed it" Which _is_ what I did,

"Where is it then?" He is raising his voice slightly louder than normal. He is actually quite intimidating at the moment.

"Well, I went to the launderette, paid the money, put in the detergent, put your cape in with the detergent, pressed the button to switch the machine on, and washed your cape along with all your other laundry."

"I don't care how it works! What did you do with it afterwards?"

"I put it in the basket with everything else, brought the basket back to camp and then we left and came here."

"Was I asleep through all of this?"

"Yes." At this last answer, he slumps into his armchair and points at me.

"You," He's giving me a very evil look right now, "you are coming with me to go back and find my cape. I'll go and tell Hibernius that we are leaving camp. Go get…"

*

"…you're homework, and do it."

"I've already done it, though. You told me that I couldn't watch Bill-E's new DVD with him until I'd done it, so I did it!"

"Fine, then go out somewhere. You can buy yourself some new shoes or something." I lift my destroyed, muddy, grass stained trainer clad feet onto the table and ask him, "Why? Do you not like them?"

"No, and get your feet off the table or…"

*

…I could go and ask Evra for some jeans before we leave, then I'll fit in a bit more than when I'm wearing my pirate costume. I'll do that, he always has several spare pairs of jeans kicking around in his tent somewhere. They'll probably fit me; I think we're the same size. Mr Crepsley's now coming back from Mr Tall's tent.

"We're leaving" he says,

"When?" I ask. If we go now I'm going to stick out like a sore thumb. I'm still wearing my pirate costume.

"Right now." He answers me and I stare open mouthed at his smug, pleased face, "Hibernius said that it's a long way back so we should get leaving now if we want to get there by sunrise."

"I'm not leaving looking like this! I can't go out in public wearing a pirate costume!"

"Yes you are, and yes you can. Now come on and jump on my back, we're going." I sigh and jump on his back before…

*

…Dervish makes me do any more housework. It's too late to go shopping now. If I'd gone before I'd cleaned the kitchen, cleaned my en-suite bathroom, made my bed and tidied my room, then it would be early enough to buy some new shoes and possibly a new CD as well. Dervish's music is getting far too old for me, not that it was ever young enough in the first place.

I'll watch the TV before going for a shower, I think. Dervish is in his study, as usual, so he won't mind. But, he might…

*

…collapse before we get anywhere near the town that we were in last. I honestly don't know how he can carry my weight while he's flitting. I'm not that light; certainly not light enough to be carried from state to state in a matter of hours without any effort. Or, maybe he just puts on a show of being able to carry me and he really is struggling…

*

…to get to sleep. I hate it when this happens to me. I'll be awake for hours, tossing and turning, trying to fall asleep, and then, knowing me, I'll have a nightmare when. That's just…

*

…typical! Mr Crepsley is now nagging at me because we're not there yet. It's not my fault that he's slow. I jump on his back again for the last stretch to get to wherever it is that we're trying to get to. You know, normally I can remember where it is that we've been with the Cirque, but this time, the name just keeps slipping away. I think that it might have a 'C' in it, but I might be wrong.

We've just arrived and I was right, it does have a 'C' in it. It's called Carcery Vale. It's a cute little town. We're going to find Mr Crepsley a safe place to sleep during the day while I get the enjoyable task of looking for his cape in my pirate costume. That'll be…

*

…absolutely fabulous. I'm not even going to try to get back to sleep. I've had 5 hours of sleep and it's about 6am just now. I'm getting up. I slide my feet into my slippers that I bought the other day because my feet get cold in the morning on the stone floors when I get up, and slowly go towards my door. I'm not quite fully awake yet. Dervish is out on his early morning jog just now so I start singing (not well, I must add) as I walk out of my room to try and wake myself up. I open the door and step outside before slumping towards the stairs…

*

…that lead into a very dank cellar. Why does Mr Crepsley always choose the most horrible places to set up camp when we're together? I get fed up with him sometimes. He seems to have a knack of taking his stupidity out on me. I didn't lose his cape; I hid it. It was his fault for giving it to me.

"Darren," he raises his voice to say this even though we're about five feet away, then realises this and lowers his voice again, "I have a job for you. To make yourself useful while I am asleep, I would like you to go and look for my cape."

"I haven't had any sleep in the last two days! I've been doing jobs for you!"

"I do not care," he glances sideways at my watch and finishes with saying, "good day, Darren" and then walks towards the other room in which he's planning to sleep. I sigh and then go up the stairs before the sun is completely up so that…

*

...Dervish can make himself something to eat when he gets home. I pad down the stairs, careful not to trip over and I step towards the kitchen door when I hear a crash come from inside. That's odd. Dervish is usually out for an hour or two and he leaves at about half past five. Another crash comes from inside and I slowly reach out towards the door handle, clench my hand into a fist, ready to attack whoever's inside, and turn the handle. And there is, to my surprise, is a slightly irritated looking Dervish raking through a cupboard.

"What are you doing?" He jumps at the sound of my voice as if surprised to see me. He looks round the kitchen, a little lost and points to a bowl of cereal sitting on the table, still with one hand in the cupboard.

"Breakfast," he says with a very confused look on his face.

"Do you need any help?"

"I don't…I don't think…Grubbs?"

"Yes. That's my name." I answer

"Do you know where I put the keys for my bike?"

"Why do you need them? It's 6:30 in the morning."

"I know it is. Are you still going out today?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I was just asking. Don't wait up for me if I'm not back for dinner."

"Who's to say I will be?" I smirk while I say this to add a bit of humour to the situation, but it doesn't seem to be…

*

…open yet. The supermarket doesn't open until 9 o'clock and it's only half past six just now. I'm going to have to wait two and a half hours to get in. I'll be walking about in my pirate costume until it opens. Well, I could always go and try to find…

*

"…the keys to my bike!" he shouts. He's getting a bit distracted.

"Where did you last see them?" I ask. He's never been one to misplace the keys to his bike. I don't think my day could get any stranger. He looks at me and he seems to be a little bit annoyed.

"Where do you think I could have left them?"

"I don't know. That's why I asked you when you last saw them."

"Well, I left them where I normally do; next to my bed."

"Then why are you looking in the kitchen cupboard. I don't think they grew legs and came downstairs since you last saw them." He looks at me like I'm a complete idiot.

"Keys can't grow legs, Grubbs" He points this out to me just in case I don't know…

*

…where to look for a little shop that could be open at this ungodly hour in the morning. I walk along the main road hoping to see a little light coming from a shop window. It's not very cold this morning but I'm wearing my gloves. It's so that anyone who knows what to look for in a vampire is not tipped off to my existence.  
If that happened, Mr Crepsley would not be too pleased. He'll probably…

*

…flip if he can't find his keys. I'm thinking of possible places they could be when the doorbell rings. Dervish is startled and he starts to walk towards the door when a windswept Meera blows into the kitchen and slumps into the chair beside me. She looks over at a rather taken aback Dervish and apologises for her sudden entrance.

"I'm sorry, I would have been here yesterday but I was coming to see you when I found out what happened."

"What happened?" asks a very puzzled Dervish.

"Did you not hear?" she asks him. His face goes blank and he slowly shakes his head. "Well, a couple of towns away, a window supposedly opened. The strange thing is that no one saw this window or heard anything that could have been related to an opening. And another thing: there were no casualties, but guess who was seen where it was supposed to have opened." She leans forward, excited to be telling us this. We both shake our heads simultaneously. "Lord Loss." She answers. This is shocking news but she tells us as if it was an everyday occurrence. "And there was someone else with him"

"Who was it?" I ask.

"Nobody knows. It was some guy, possibly a mage, or even more powerful."

"That can't be good. There must be something bad going on" Dervish points out.

"I know, but what…"

*

…time is it now? I walk towards the electronics shop where they're playing the news channel on the TV which has the time in the bottom corner of the screen. It's now 8 o'clock and there are people starting to walk around the square. A group of girls walking towards the bus stop look at me and start to talk amongst themselves, pointing and giggling at me as they do. I sigh but keep walking. It starts to rain a little bit and I feel a drop fall on my head. I pull my collar up around my neck and walk towards the nearest shelter, which, thankfully, just so happens to be the awning of a small clothes shop. The sign says that this shop opens at 8:15. That's good; I'll window shop just now so I know what to look for when I get in…

*

…the hall as I'm leaving. I grab a pair of trainers, slide my feet into them, hastily tie the laces and step outside. I start to think about what Meera said to us. Who was the guy with Lord Loss? I don't like him at the best of times but when he has something up his sleeve (well, fleshy folds of skin, really), it can't end well. It's drizzling so I pull my hood over my head and walk along the path towards the road into Carcery Vale. I start to walk along the road and…

*

…some guy wearing a football top walks past and shouts at me.

"Hey! Freak! The circus is that way!" he turns to his friends who start to laugh with him. I turn round and shout back at him.

"Thanks for your help, but I'll just go the way you came from so I don't get lost!" He turns around to face me before coming at me, fists clenched and raised, like a man possessed. I lean against the wall as he gets closer and start inspecting my nails. As I look up, he grabs the front of my top, pulls me towards him and threatens:

"You know, if you weren't 10, I would punch you into next week." I laugh and say:

"Well, it's a good job that I have nothing to stop me," I punch him in the face and then say, under my breath but loud enough for him to hear, "And, by the way, I'm not ten" before pushing him off me and turning back to the shop window. He and his friends turn and run away from me but not before they turn to shout freak again. I laugh at this and turn away from the shop to look at the car parked just outside the square. The car…

*

…drives past the opening and I cross the street towards the shops. As I cross the road, I pass a group of big guys in football tops. One of them looks as if he was hit in the face with a hammer. His nose is bleeding and he has the beginnings of a black eye. He probably got into a fight with one of the bigger football fans that you always find at matches.

I walk towards one of the awnings in front of one of the shops, when I see a guy walking into one of the clothes shops wearing a pirate costume. It's not Halloween for another two months. And then, my day got even weirder...


End file.
